11:36 a.m. - 2008-04-22
Possible Ending
I didn�t want to believe it; I have been fighting it for about 5 months now. But I have no choice anymore. She hasn�t and doesn�t seem to want to forgive me. I guess I need to accept it. We aren�t okay, and she blames me for what happened, completely. I put us there in that situation, so her actions once there are my fault, because if I hadn�t put us there, she wouldn�t have had the chance to do something stupid. I know this for sure now and I hate it, because I really have lost someone I truly cared about, all over doing something stupid while being drunk. The proof is in the words:
My daughter and I went to a jewelry party at a friends of hers (we will call her P), so at P�s friends party, my daughter says to P, �you are closer to J�. P says, �I have known your mother longer.� Not, �no way, me and your mom are best friends, been there for each other, we are much closer!� And there was no love in what she said, the emotion in her words was more like, �If I hadn�t known her as long as I have, I wouldn�t be friends with her at all anymore.�
I just wish she would be honest with me. I felt it pretty much the day after her birthday, I knew it then, and I even said to her that I was sorry and that I hoped she wouldn�t hate me for it. She said she didn�t blame me. But there is no other reason why she would be mad at me. I haven�t done anything else. But this seems to be the story of my life.
I just can�t seem to keep friends, shit I can�t seem to make them. I try to be an honest person; I guess most people don�t really want honesty. I have no idea what anyone wants, I guess that is the issue, I try to be the real me and apparently that person is not wanted.
