3:11 p.m. - Wednesday, Nov. 12, 2008
Scared?
I am trying to be completely honest with him and myself. I figure that is the only way to make this work, and if it isn�t going to work, to make sure that I definitely did give it a whole hearted try. Because if I have doubts as strong as the last few weeks again, I am going to be done and just accept all the consequences!
I think that I have figured out why I was a little depressed on Monday. I was disappointed in myself for faltering, I didn�t stick out my decision, I gave up on what I thought was right at that time. It confuses me, that I could be so sure that I was done just last Saturday and then I just had to hold him Sunday, what made everything change? Am I just so scared to be alone that I convince myself to love him anyway, no matter how much he has hurt and disrespected me? I hope that isn�t it, because that will fade and I will be right back to hating him and that isn�t fair for either of us and would just completely suck!
Talking it out has been helping. I am sure I am not saying everything that I feel and think, but I just feel like some of it is better left alone. There really are some things he doesn�t need to know.
