9:50 a.m. - 2008-04-18
Worry
So I am really starting to worry about this whole girlfriend thing with my husband. No she isn�t actually his girlfriend; I have talked about this before. But she is to him everything I am not. I am scared she will start being the things that I am as well, and that he won�t see the point in putting up with what he doesn�t like about me, when he can have someone younger, and with more in common, and more fun. I feel pain in my heart and feel like it is coming to that point. I so want to tell him not to hang out with her, but I just can�t. I hate hypocrites and that will make me one. But I have told him that is scares me and he still talks to her. He says he deserves to be happy, and that she makes him happy.
Everyone tells me how weird we are, I guess trying to compromise is a strange concept. But I do love my husband.
I don�t want to be divorced with two kids, trying to figure out how to live on my own.
Why do these things happen? Why couldn�t he have met a dude, who isn�t gay, to hang out with. A guy that is interested in the same things, that have the same points of view, that is a very positive presence, in essence her, just a guy. Why does she have to be a 21 yr old woman, who loves him? Is this my Karma coming around to kick my ass? Am I paying my penance and price for all the things I have done?
I don�t like life; there is way to much grey fog, what happened to the clarity that comes with living in black and white? I want back that innocence, that ignorance of truth, of pain, of reality.
