1:19 p.m. - 2008-05-19
One More Try
I don�t know if I am smart or stupid. I have always wondered how you can tell for sure. I have been told I am being more patient and forgiving than most. I guess I really want to be able to believe that I gave it everything I got. I want to know that I didn�t give up with out a fight. So as to that end, I screamed and yelled at my husband Friday night, told him I hated him, hated the way he tries to manipulate me, hate how he makes me pay for my honesty and throws every mistake I have ever made back in my face. Got so angry and upset that I almost jumped out a moving car. I slept alone, even locked him out of our bedroom. I just knew I was going to be divorced by the end of the month. I just couldn�t see how we could get past all the shit that our relationship had picked up along the way. So as I was going to sleep I was thinking about what it was going to take to dissolve our lives together.
Then I woke up. I didn�t want to be divorced. I didn�t want to try to figure out how to start a new life on my own. I do hate some things about my husband, but I still love him and many things about him. Plus I have two kids that need their parents. And we don�t fight all the time, some, but not always. And they aren�t usually big, horrible fights. So I decided to give it one more try. I told hubby that if he was willing, we could start over. This requires him to forgive and forget all past issues and that I would do the same. That we couldn�t throw each others shit anymore. That we are starting clean, and that we have to work hard and be better to each other. I am hoping he understands and things get and stay better.
