9:38 a.m. - Wednesday, Jun. 27, 2018
Well this feeling is nothing new.
I want to get a tattoo to remind me how shitty people are. I figured out exactly what that looks like. TDC They Don’t Care. I first thought HDC for He Don’t Care, but the unfortunate and painful truth is there are only 3 people in my life who I can say with all my heart and faith that they care about me and only one of them is not my blood relation. I am done putting myself out there, I am done trying to be in anyone else’s life. I always try to be positive and remind myself that everyone is busy and has their lives to live. But right at this moment it feels a lot like that living is better without me in it. I keep thinking I just need a friend that lives closer. I don’t think that is a good idea, I honestly believe I am cursed to have only half/fake friends. I will always be doomed to only have people who like to say we are friends and expect me to do all the work. I honestly don’t think I have ever had a friendship that wasn’t like that, not one that held up anyway. I know we aren’t supposed to compare our lives to those around us, but I just want a friend that just clicks, where you just know without a doubt that you will always be important to them. That I don’t know well because I have never had it. I thought I had a couple of times, but they had to move and I end up being the only one who tries to keep in contact. I just can’t do it anymore; it hurts too much. Maybe I just need to make up some imaginary friends at least they can’t ignore me and make me feel unwanted and unappreciated.
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