7:44 p.m. - Tuesday, Dec. 26, 2017
I Just Don't Know.......................
So I really want to start writing either some short stories or a novel, I have stories and scenarios running through my head all the time. Then I sit down to write them and they just float out of my brain. It is so upsetting. I think my mind just likes to fuck with me. Here Kim let’s think about this whole story all day and all night and not let you sleep but nope you aren’t allowed to put it on paper. It is so very fun wanting to start or try something and not knowing how to accomplish it.
And then there is the other issue in my life. I really need someone to talk to that would be completely unbiased, and who won’t judge me. I tend to believe that I will have to pay someone to get that. I did try going to a therapist and we didn’t mesh, but I don’t want to try again. But I might have no choice. I need someone to help me fix this problem, it is eating me up and I can’t take it anymore. I am being to hate myself for being weak, for being a fucking idiot, for not just accepting the truth of the situation and moving on. I feel sick at my stomach right now. It is getting to the point that I just wish I could pack up and move not telling a soul until I could figure out my truth. I need like major solitude, a place to go just me and sort my shit out. I feel like my life has been me just trying to make it through each day. I am tired of just surviving, I would really like to feel like I am living my life to its fullest. The life I want, not the life that has been handed to me. I want to make something that is wholly me and be happy to say, I did that, I put all of who I am in that. Sad thing is I have no idea where to start. I feel like no matter how hard I push, the wall that is in the way of me doing anything just will not move.
