2:26 p.m. - 2008-05-28
My Head Hurts!
I have a head cold, and this shit sucks! I need to sleep, but when I try to I can�t breathe through my nose so I wake up every 5 minutes. I know I could take medicine or spray shit up my nose, but it seems to take so much longer to get well when I pop pills. So I have to fight it all on my own.
So I read this other diary here, actually a couple and it is freaky how much I have and still feel the same things they do. I feel lonely a lot, I hate it, I want soooo much, and it seems the more I want the less I get.
I went out Friday night with P. She came by the house so my daughter could baby-sit her daughter. So I could either drive myself or ride with her, but her daughter was just going to stay the night. My husband was already pissy that I was going with her, he doesn�t trust me, thinks I will try to hook up with some guy. So he said he would come up there after work, so I called him before we left my house to make sure he was going to come to the club. He says he will. I ride with P. I am having a pretty good night, P is not really paying attention to me, but we were there with lots of other people so I am just chatting up whoever I can. But about 12:30 P asks were hubby is, I had no idea, so she texts him. 1 am comes around and P is all like where the fuck is your husband. So I am starting to feel like a big nasty third wheel, and I try to call my hubby, I can barely hear him and he says something about a mudhole, or some shit. So I am starting to get pissed, I decide I don�t want to be pissed I was having a good night. P keeps giving me a look, like I am not taking you all the way home, and she is worried about getting laid. Thanks a lot P, I feel so wanted and loved. So my hubby shows up at 1:40 or so, and I am pissed. He went to another club, in another town. Didn�t call before he left to go, and claimed there was no reception at the club. What a Fucker! If I had done that shit he would kill me. So I did tell him about his dumb self in the car. I just can�t believe how crappy he and P made me feel, like I was in their way, like I was a burden.
Then Saturday night, I had to take my daughter to P�s house to baby-sit again. And we picked up some pizza, on the way home my hubby tells me he is going to go over to a friends house about an hour away and ride 4 wheelers. Cool with me, he said he wanted me to go, but I had to stay with my son and his friend. Now understand he didn�t try real hard to make it work out for me to go. So I let him go off, now he has a small truck, and his 4 wheeler barely fits in the back and it was raining. He tells me he won�t stay out too long. I wake up at 2 am and he isn�t home yet, I get my cell phone and he had left a text message at 12:10 that said he was fine, are we. Now to me that means he is good and on the way home. So I try to call, and I get no answer. So I wait a few and try again and again and again and again, until about 3 am. I try to go back to sleep and my heart is beating so fast and making my chest hurt that I can�t. I try to read so I won�t sit and imagine all the bad things that could be happening to him, that doesn�t work either. At 3:30 he calls. I was so pissed, I was glad he was okay, but what the FUCK! Why didn�t he make sure I knew where he was and what time I should expect him. I started to cry and scream, I just couldn�t believe he did that shit again. I said Thanks a lot and hung up on him. I laid in bed and cried so hard I was shaking and couldn�t breath, I felt so unimportant and useless. Stupid Ass!
So I am so sick of people!
And here is a song I am loving right now:
Artist: Katy Perry
Song: I Kissed A Girl
This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so brave, drink in hand
Lost my discretion
It's not what, I'm used to
Just wanna try you on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention
I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it
No, I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter
Your my experimental game
Just human nature
It's not what, good girls do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey
I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it
Us girls we are so magical
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent
I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it
