kimluvs2read's Diaryland Diary

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Friendship

I understand that everyone’s lives are busy. Surprisingly enough I get that! But damn it all, I want to be important to my “friends”, why is this so much to ask. I call, I text, I make you important in my life, at least I pray that you know that, you are important, I would die in many ways if we weren’t friends, for whatever reason. But some times I think that small death would be easier than the constant injuries and bruises my heart suffers at the lack of thought. I just want to know you think about me, just one of any of you “friends”, just one. I get it from none, not one. I haven’t had a friendship that was a two way street since high school, and I haven’t been in high school for fifteen years. What does that say? Is it my fault? Am I not worthy of the attention? Do I not warrant the thought? Do I not deserve to be that important?

I do, and I do. I forgive, and I forgive. But it hurts, more than I like, to the point of self disgust, I hate myself for caring, it makes me feel weak, like everyone is watching me give just one more chance, and laughing because they know it isn’t the last, I will forgive and give again.

I am not perfect, I don’t mesh with everyone, I don’t expect to. But I do try to treat people the way I would like them to treat me. I just want to know, when they are going to pay attention and return the favor, please!

8:29 p.m. - 2008-04-04

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